Many of us ask ourselves why we can’t find someone despite being proactive. Maybe you have done everything you possibly could, you have searched every online dating service, every app and finally given up. What exactly is the problem, is it you? Is it them or is it the app?
It’s you, if you are rejecting everyone contacting you
Ok, first off let’s be honest, the chances are you have gone on an app and had numerous requests. People wanting to talk to you, to get to know you. If you are continuously rejecting people then the problem is definitely you!
You are being too picky, you have to give people a chance, love doesn’t come with a pre-requisite. Often the person you end up falling for isn’t the person who was on your checklist. Not that a checklist is a bad idea, there are many mixed opinions around it being a good thing or bad but it’s a way to look inside you and figure out what issues you are coming across. At least by writing it down you can take a step back and critically look at where you are going wrong. Even sharing the list with a close friend can offer a good perspective.
If you are multiple dating, then it’s you
There is nothing wrong with keeping your options open. In today’s world where commitment is increasingly becoming an issue, keeping your options open is becoming the norm.
However, with that approach come many problems. Truth is, you are never really getting to know that one person because you are too busy comparing and thinking of the next person. It’s a dangerous trap to fall into.
It’s the dating app, if it’s one that is not allowing you to approve contact
You get many different types of dating sites, some like Tinder allow you both to swipe before being connected. Some just let you make contact without any approval. There is no good or bad app, different approaches work for different people.
We hope everyone is sensible enough not to connect with someone and just meet them the next day. You would be surprised at how many creeps there are out there looking for victims. So as a minimum it’s important to build some form of trust before moving conversations off platform or meeting in person.
If it is an app which doesn’t require pre-approvals then chances are you will get 10-20 people contacting you daily, great ego boost. However, a huge administrative headache.
To overcome the administration, you try to move on to meeting in person as quickly as you can but while you are doing that more and more people are contacting you. If you don’t reply, they think you might not be interested and just in case the man you are currently talking to is wrong for you, the chances are you do end up replying or accepting the match and you fall into the trap of multiple dating.
When you go for a coffee, you almost want to have considered the other option and then decide.
It’s him if he has lied on his dating profile
Many people lie on their dating profile, many continue to lie even after years of dating. I know of this one man who lied to his partner for 3 years pretending to be 5 years younger than he was. Of all the things to lie about I didn’t think age would be one. It is just a number, interesting thing was over the 3 years they must have celebrated birthdays together and had many discussions where age must have been brought up and must have consistently deducted 5 years for her not to realise!
Either that or he must have believed his own lie and convinced himself that he was born 5 years later. I am sure had he not lied since day 1, she wouldn’t have considered him and would have saved herself from being with him who most likely would have also lied about many other things.
To protect other women some feel it is their duty to warn other girls. In fact, I had an incident where a man had said on his profile that he had never been married. After meeting him, he disclosed to me that he was so I contacted the dating site to tell them his profile is not accurate and he was in fact married. They investigated the incident and replied with a “We have looked through your conversation and there is nothing to evidence that he was married. As a result, we cannot take any further action”.
Many factors play into not finding someone, it could be you, it could be the dating app or it could be your partner. It’s no wonder people are confused and struggling and the dating app businesses are booming, with no one finding partners and settling down there is always going to be a need for a platform that helps you find the next one.
Maybe they actually don’t want it to work?