Sometimes we feel in life that we have to pick, for many there is often a need to pick between your head or your heart, but why do we feel it’s a choice?
Surely if your heart likes the person you are with then why is your head stopping you and what is controlling what is the question? Both organs belong in your body and are connected in some way so there doesn’t need to be a choice, you can have it all. Afterall that is the ethos of what we are all about. It isn’t a choice between being healthy, wealthy, in love or being beautiful. You can have it all, people out there do because they created it for themselves.
If you are finding yourself in a situation where you are trying to pick between your head or your heart then perhaps the real issue is you for making it a choice. In any case you have put yourself in a situation so you now need to decide what to do. We share some insights which may or may not help with your decision.
1. Happiness is key
The ultimate goal for you should be to be happy, if you overthink a situation then you will compromise on your happiness making your self-created issues even worse.
The issue you are most likely finding yourself in is that you are trying to balance your short term happiness with your long term happiness. Your short term happiness is what you know, that the person you are with makes you happy. The long term happiness is what your logical mind is trying to assess.
You are trying to think about the future and that is making you anxious. Your logical brain also knows that the future is so uncertain that even after you have explored all your scenarios there is a possibility that you may well be wrong. So, you have put yourself in a situation where you feel like it is a choice, your head (long term very uncertain future) or your heart (short term and more certain).
2. All problems have solutions
The one fundamental skill every person should possess is the ability to find solutions. Not so long ago I was finding my work laptop was heating up a lot which was causing it to freeze and crash. Now when something gets hot the logical thing to do is to cool it down. So I found the solution to my problem by putting my laptop in the fridge. You may laugh all you want but actually it did make it work again. It was of course a short term immediate fix while I tried to figure out a longer term solution.
While my laptop story is great, a quick fix for a relationship isn’t as easy as sticky taping something while you figure out the long term solution. However the point is that there is always a solution to everything. You can either sit there trying to make it a choice or you can find a way to fix the issues that you feel are there.
3. What you are losing is just as important as what you are gaining
When you are creating a problem for yourself, it’s easy to focus on all the negative aspects of it. After all you need to know (create) the issues before you can call it a problem and then of course you need to solve the problem and that requires you to carry out an analysis of the issues and how to fix each. This negative outlook to the relationship isn’t good for anyone. Really think about the positives too. When assessing the future uncertainty think about all that you will gain too by staying and what you are gaining right now.
4. Make a decision and accept the consequences
Decisions and actions have consequences, sometimes good and sometimes bad. However instead of letting it fester, being doubtful, taking a long time and stringing someone along, perhaps you are better off making the decision and dealing with the consequences. You may pick your head and walk away only to lose the best thing you had or could have. You may pick your heart and proceed only to realise some of what your head was telling you was right. Thankfully our brains have the amazing ability to solve problems too so that should help.
Don’t put yourself in a situation where you create issues or problems for yourself. Be solution driven and figure out how to fix things and remember it is possible to have both, there are many out there that do.
Hopefully another perspective can offer some help to resolve the dilemma you may have put yourself in.