When is it time to let go?

You may have found your best friend and it may just be the man you were once in a relationship with. Somehow you have both managed to navigate yourself to a place where even years down the line you are still in each other’s lives but maybe it’s time to let go. Yet, you enjoy his company and it’s clear he enjoys yours and both of you are happy to be each other’s friend in a platonic way. However, sometimes there are signs of something more and if you find yourself in situations we are about to discuss then it's time to draw the line and let go.

If he is getting married

If he has found his life long partner and made a decision to get married, it’s time to bow out respectfully and wish him well with his future partner. He could have had you but your relationship was not intended to last and there is a reason it came to an end. So if he has made that decision, it’s time to walk out.

Sure, there may be a situation where he has started a new relationship but she is his girlfriend and in that situation it may be appropriate to be friends but if it’s a serious commitment like marriage then it’s a confirmation of his intent to be with her and a sign that she is the most important woman in his life, not you.

She may pretend to be ok with your friendship with him but deep down she never will be. Either way, don’t get involved in the complexities of another person’s marriage and move on.

If you are getting married

If you have made a decision to get married, then the only man in your life that you should turn to in time of need is your husband and you really don’t need a friend of the opposite sex to rely on for that.

So if you have made the decision to commit to another man, then remove anyone who could get in the way from your life. Marriage is complex and will bring with it many challenges. There will be insecurities at various times in your life and you will work through them all. The last thing you need to bring is baggage in the form of a previous best friend especially one who is an ex. Let go, move on.

If you are not able to let go of the pain

If ever so occasionally you keep reminding yourself of a life that could have been but never was, then you are still holding on to him and the pain of what you had.

Chances are you are not allowing yourself to heal and move on and will constantly feel stuck. If that is how you are feeling then move on. Any memory of a relationship with your ex, both good and bad is bad. The fact that you dated should be completely irrelevant.

If you think about him every day

If he is still constantly on your mind and he is the first person you think of then don’t fool yourself, you haven’t forgotten him and you haven’t moved on. You are holding on to a relationship that will never happen. Do yourself a favour and move on, cut him out. It’s the best solution for all concerned including him but especially you.

If you feel it’s unfair he never gave you what he is giving his new girlfriend or partner

He may do loving things for his new partner like buy her an actual present for her birthday, go to see her. These are all probably the little things he never did for you and thinking about it would make you feel like you were not worthy of his love and not as important to him as his new girlfriend. This is another classic sign that you have not moved on and you need to cut him out of your life. The sake of your sanity probably depends on it, so move on.

If you have any form of expectations from him

It’s nice to have friends to rely on but typically we don’t have super high expectations of our friends. We are there for them when we need them but don’t expect them to come and help fix a light bulb, do DIY or buy us presents. If they do then great but if not then it’s not a problem, hopefully you have other friends that can help you out. However if you have any form of expectation from him and he is your go to person for everything then this relationship is dangerously close to being more than just friends. Move on, there is no benefit to you helping him to improve or relying on him to do things for you.

Conclusion

Having a best friend is great and I would love to be able to say its possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. However when the person of the opposite sex is an ex, especially one who can control you emotionally in whatever way possible then he is clearly more than just a friend and be careful about keeping him in your life.

Try to go cold turkey, it might hurt to start off with but it won’t be long before you have moved on and he has ceased to be a part of your life.