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Get your money back when she says No: Dating Diaries

Have it all daily has started a dating diaries section which allows our readers to contribute their stories and experiences of dating and we have to say some of these are pretty funny, some scary and some a little worrying. Below is one from our reader. We can't validate all the stories but we did validate this one and it is true.

My search

In search of trying to find someone I can settle down with, I have been trying to meet as many people as I can. It has been tough, however to maximise my search I have attended dating events, marriage events, speed dating. Pretty much everything. I have been unfortunate enough to not find anyone but it seems I have bad luck when it comes to men.

A couple of years ago, I went to a marriage event. Post the event a boy contacted me. I decided numerous conversations over text were not sustainable so the idea was to try to meet up with the people to establish connection.

About the boy

This boy that I was speaking to was from South London. I try to meet people for coffee, for a couple of reasons, I don’t expect everyone to pay for me, however I think it’s quite romantic for your husband to pay for you. It makes you feel more attracted, like it’s a sign that he is capable of looking after you.

At the same time, I don’t want to be with someone just because he has paid for me so my preference is to meet for a coffee which doesn’t cost a lot in comparison to a meal and I don’t want him to unnecessarily spend money on me. So, on requesting a meeting he wanted to meet for dinner which I cautiously agreed to.


We decided to go to a pizza place, it wasn’t extremely glamorous or anything special, but like most people I do like pizza.

When he turned up, he was wearing a very odd brown coloured suit made out of an unstructured material. My first impression was woah, he seems a little odd. However, it was too late and we decided to proceed to having dinner which was fine. We discussed some things as you would when you meet someone. It was an average conversation about life.

When the bill arrived, he insisted on paying for it, so I agreed.

A walk post dinner

Post dinner he wanted to go for a walk, so we went to Hyde Park in London.

Being new to London I did not know that the gates at Hyde Park closed at 9pm. It was winter when we met and got dark reasonably quickly.

While we were walking I sensed something odd about him and wanted to leave however by this point the gates had closed and we were stuck inside. He saw this as a sign of adventure and wanted to stay in the park, however I was starting to become more and more uncomfortable and we found a way to climb over the gates and thankfully escape what could have been a bad situation for me.

I told him it won't work

A few days passed by, I reduced the amount I communicated with him in the hope that over time he would come to the realisation that we weren’t compatible and when I clearly told him it wasn’t going to work, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise to him. He hadn’t picked up on my hints so I decided to eventually tell him No.

He asked for his money back

His reaction to this was to get angry and he started becoming threatening. One night as we were messaging he told me I needed to refund him for the dinner and compensate for his time as I had made him spend time with him when I had no intention of being with him.

None of this was true, I was not the one to have suggested dinner and I would have happily paid had he really not wanted to. He decided the way to deal with it was to tell me he would ring my mum and tell her and the lady from the marriage event that I took drugs, was promiscuous, partied a lot among many other things.

My mother knows me well enough to know that I would never do that. However I was new to London and I was concerned that if he contacted her in the middle of the night it will worry her. The only way he could get hold of my mum’s number would be to go to the lady who organised the event who would have it on my profile. I have no idea whether he already had the number or not.

So I contacted the event organiser and told her what kind of comments he was making to me. Her response to this was that he wasn’t someone she knew and he wasn’t registered with her. Very convenient of her to deny it!

Unfortunately for her, I had a screenshot of a message which had mentioned her name which I had screenshot and sent to her.

He increased the amount I should pay him

The boy continued to be threatening and told me I needed to give him the money otherwise he was ringing my mother. I told him I would give the money to charity but I wasn’t going to meet him again.

His response to this was, he was turning up at my door step right now. I was a little bit concerned he may actually do this. He then decided to up the amount of compensation I needed to give him by telling me that I needed to pay him £100. I am pretty certain the meal only cost £10 per person so not sure how he had arrived at £100. Conveniently his favourite restaurant was also a cheap one!

I spoke to a lawyer who said it was harassment

The only person I could turn to at this time was a lawyer friend of mine, so I decided to contact him and tell him about the situation to ask for advice. In doing so, the lawyer mentioned that I could get the boy in trouble for harassment however at the moment I was replying which wouldn’t help my case. So he wrote me a message basically setting out that he was now harassing me and to stop contact.

The message seemed to work and the boy did not contact me.

I met him again a few years later

I did go on to share the story with my mum eventually when the dust had settled, I didn’t want someone else to have told her and it's always better coming from me. I had also told my landlord and my flatmates about it just in case some crazy random person did turn up at my door after all.

We went back to visit the marriage event host and she mentioned to me that the boy was getting married. Then one day on New Year's eve, I was working but we were permitted to leave early. I was definitely not a pictures kind of person, however on that day I stopped briefly to take a picture from the office window as they were setting up for the fire work display in the evening. When I came out, I heard someone call my name and as I turned around it was him.

I politely said hello, I was a little bit busy and needed to head off. After everything that had happened I would have thought he wouldn’t have wanted to maintain a conversation. I mentioned that I heard he was getting married and congratulated him. To which his response was that he is but he isn’t sure and wanted to see if I would still be available for coffee?!!! Seriously? As if he would even ask such a question. I told him it wouldn’t be suitable and ran out of the place as fast as I possibly could.

I should mentioned that he had initially told me he worked for an accountancy firm but as it actually turned out, he had worked in the army and on that day was helping set up the firework display.

I have not heard from him since and I hope no other girl has been unfortunate enough to fall prey to him. Men like that do not deserve wives.

#haveitlldaily, #creep, #harrassment, #date

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